Last week I had made a decision that I had been praying about for months, I was excited but also afraid because I never feel good enough to do what God calls me to do. With the encouragement of many Godly people I admire and trust, I had decided to move forward, to take the leap, to venture out with God.
Before I could even take an outward baby step, Satan hit me hard and before I knew it I was in a dark place. He played the same ol broken record he always plays for me. Telling me I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not spiritual enough. I tried not to listen to it but through some physical circumstances and mental attacks I totally backed away from where I believed God was leading me.
It’s scary the influence Satan can have. I was in a limbo for a few days, a dark place. I wanted to crawl into bed and hide. I didn’t. I couldn’t. I know enough about Spiritual warfare to know that I have to continue on with God’s work even though I wasn’t sure about anything anymore.
After a couple of days the dark cloud began to lift but my world was a still a dark shade of gray. Satan wounded me. I am very apprehensive and even now, I am limbo on my decision. I even question whether it was Satan stopping me from doing something for God or God stopping me from making a big mistake. It’s something I continue to pray about, waiting for some confirmation from God before taking that step out.
I would say the majority of the time I never feel spiritual enough to do the things God calls me to do and maybe I never will. Maybe if I ever did feel spiritually good enough I’d be swimming in the sin of pride.
As I continue on, the gray is turning a lighter shade and I try desperately to see His will I am remind of a quote by Vince Lombardi, “It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.”
I was knocked down, I was even knocked out for a while but I got up and I believe it’s not just the getting up that’s important but it’s continuing on with the next play.
“I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:14 NIV